Jákðbs Ný Bættærí

I know… I know… Three blogs in four days, that’s a little much. But this story is worth telling. My last post was about the excitement of arriving home to my Sports Illustrated. This story is about how my favorite Thursday activity would not come to fruition. I caution you with hilarity and just a bit of grossness, or maybe it’s the opposite.

Upon hearing my alarm go off, I did what most people do. Put the clothes I would be wearing that day into the dryer, so upon exiting the shower they would burn the flesh on my bones (I like!). After, I got a fresh new towel from my closet and entered the bathroom. I noticed that the toilet had drained and was empty of all water. So I flushed. To my dismay it did not drain. I apparently had a clog of some sort. I then attempted to plunge, and plunge I did. I plunged long enough to reward myself with blisters on my hands. At this point I noticed the water I was plunging out of the toilet and filling into the bath tub. Then the tub would empty, and would return to the toilet. Not fun. After repeating this awhile I realized that a plunger was not the right mechanical device to return my plumbing to its natural state. I then drove on to the Home Depot to find a solution. There, a very kind plumber helper dude suggested and auger and maybe some drain cleaner. Now let me explain this auger; there is a crank shaft connected to a metal type rope, with a claw type end. The point is to put the auger in though the toilet, send it down the pipes all while turning the crank, they are know also as snakes. After attempting to remove the blockage in this fashion for about 30 minutes, I gave up. I decided a plumber would be my only solution. I decided to take my chance on the shower as it seemed clean and the water was draining properly now. I was in and out in a flash with no incident. I dressed for work then entered the bathroom again.

*I will now define a term. The term I will define will be “stuff”. Stuff = filthy, sewage, and sludge. If you are still wondering what “stuff” is, please ask your mom. Now back to my story.*

Again, I was now entering the bathroom. To my astonishment and discontent, the tub had filled about half full with “stuff”. I panicked, I screamed, I even felt the spirit leave. I ran out of the bathroom and called my landlord instantly. I was told to call a plumber and he would fit the bill.

Upon arriving at work I talked to my superior to get approval to leave early as that is when the plumber would be available. He said yes. Later that day the plumber arrived and I told him the story. As he inspected my sewage system he noticed that the unit above mine was connected to my sewer main. Which meant the “stuff” in my tub was a result of the unit above flushing or bathtub draining. Yuck. It’s not as bad when it’s your own “stuff”. But when it’s the crazy, loud talking, Lion King Soundtrack blasting, narcoleptic neighbor it’s a whole new world (just ask Brev). After about an hour or so of the plumber plumbing, he hit the clog. He slowly pulled up the item that had officially ruined my Thursday ritual and to my astonishment it was non other than a pair of 35-36 waist bikini brief underwear that appeared to by of a leopard print design (I wasn’t about to inspect them closer). The man cleaned up his stuff disinfected my bathroom which took about thirty minutes. I then walked out to the plumbers van to pay the bill.

Just when I thought my night was as abnormal as could be my upstairs neighbor comes to the rescue. As he was also outside taking his trash out, he stops to ask me if the “stuff” had been resolved. Before a word was said, the plumber pulls out his trash bag and flashes the “stuff” soaked unmentionables out of the bag. I cannot explain nor make up what happens next. My neighbor, embarrassedly states and I quote “UUUMMMMM, I think those are mine… yeah those are mine”.

Labels: Funny